By Mark Buchan
This article is also featured in ezinearticles
Introduction
According to research by eminent psychologists in the field of change, people are usually comfortable in making changes in one of three areas, namely thoughts, feelings or behaviour. This exercise is designed to help people who are predominantly “thinkers” or “actors” to become more aware of their feelings. This exercise is also useful for people who are more aware of their feelings than others, but they may have trouble identifying their feelings. Try this little experiment next time you are in a social gathering: give people 30 seconds to write down as many feelings as they can possibly name. If anyone can name more that 10 then tell them they are above average because people can usually only identify 7! Try it yourself right now – but don’t cheat by looking at the next page of this exercise.
Why bother ? A personal reflection
I can tell you from my own personal experience that I am a deep thinker. My comfort lies in thinking. Since I have opened myself up to my feelings I have noticed that I am able to truly be in touch with that particular feeling. Life is about sweet and sour, ups and downs, highs and lows and the better we get at identifying and feeling our feelings the richer our experience becomes. Not being in touch with my feelings had many disadvantages for me that I was not fully aware of at the time. Life lacked colour and intensity. I would only be able to access my feelings in the states that alcohol, drugs or gambling would bring me. This made my addictions even more attractive because it would be a time when I would be more of myself, or at least that what I told myself.
One fear that people have about getting in touch with their feelings is that they might be opening themselves up to what they might call the negative emotions. My perspective on this is that it is unrealistic for us as humans to go through life and not experience those uncomfortable emotions however successful we might think we are at hiding away from them. I have learned that it is through allowing myself to experience the bitter parts of life that I can truly experience and appreciate the sweet.
Executive Development: The exercise
Below you will find a table of feelings, which is not a complete list of all the possible feelings that we can enjoy, but is a good starting place to build a more fuller awareness of the feeling that you may experience. (Please feel free to send me any other feelings to compliment this list). Print out this list and carry it with you. Begin to ask yourself on an ongoing basis.
“what am I feeling right now?”
The list will be a useful starting point for you as you begin to identify more and more of these feelings.
A further extension to this exercise is when you are next asked “how are you?”, stop for a moment and get in touch with how you are feeling and respond authentically if that is appropriate at that time. You will notice that when you ask people how they are doing you might be given the glib responses such as “I’m OK” or the most common one for us here in the UK: “not bad”. You might decide to be really confident and press the person further to say “what does OK feel like?” or “what does not bad feel like?”. This may take people aback at first, but if asked with a true sense of caring for the individual can be means to further strengthen your relationship with them.
You may find it useful to log these feelings in your journal so that you may observe the feelings that accompany particular events or transitions in your life. You may even begin to spot patterns that occur at certain times in your life.
You may now begin to not only act and think your way to success, but feel your way there also.
Good Luck!
FEELINGS That People Have, But Often Fail to Identify
Abandoned Confident Explosive Integrated Pleased Stupefied
Able Confused Expressive Intimidated Powerful Suffering
Accepted Conspicuous Evil Invigorated Pressured Suppressed
Acknowledged Contented Fascinated Irritated Protective Surprised
Adequate Contrite Fearful Isolated Proud Sympathetic
Adamant Controlled Flighty Jealousy
Affectionate Cosy Flustered Joyful Quarrelsome Talkative
Afraid Courageous Foolish Jubilant Quiet Teary
Agony Cruel Forgotten Jumpy Tempted
Agreeable Crushed Frantic Radiant Tenacious
Alert Cynical Frustrated Kind Rage Tender
Alone Frightened Rapture Tenuous
Ambivalent Daring Free Lazy Real Tense
Angry Deceitful Fulfilled Left out Refreshed Tentative
Animated Decisive Full Light Rejected Terrible
Annoyed Defeated Fun Lighthearted Relaxed Terrified
Anxious Defensive Fury Lively Relieved Threatened
Apathetic Delighted Lonely Remorse Thrilled
Appreciated Desire Generous Longing Respected Turned on
Apprehensive Desirable Giving Loose Responsible
Astounded Despair Glad Loved Restless Union
Awed Destructive Grateful Loving Reverent Upset
Determined Greedy Low Uptight
Beautiful Different Grief Lustful Sad Used
Betrayed Diffident Grounded Sated Useful
Bitter Diminished Grumpy Mad Satisfied
Blissful Disagreeable Guilty Mean Scared Vital
Blue Disappointed Melancholy Secure Vile
Bold Discontented Happy Miserable Selfish Vindictive
Bored Disgusted Hate Mistreated Sensual Vulnerable
Brave Disorganised Healthy Mystical Serene
Bright Distracted Heavenly Servile Weak
Brilliant Distraught Helpful Naughty Settled Wishy-Washy
Bubbly Disturbed Helpless Neglected Sexy Whole
Burdened Dominated High Nervous Shaky Worried
Doubtful Home Numb Shut down
Calm Drained Homesick Silent Yearning
Capable Dumb Honoured Obnoxious Shocked
Carefree Hopeful Obsessed Silly Zany
Caring Eager Hopeless Odd Sceptical
Centred Ecstatic Horrible Open Sleepy
Challenged Elated Humorous Optimistic Sneaky
Charmed Electrified Humiliated Outraged Solemn
Cheated Empathetic Humble Overjoyed Sorrowful
Cheerful Empty Hurt Overwhelmed Sorry
Cherished Enchanted Hysterical Spirited
Childish Energetic Pain Spiritual
Childlike Enervated Ignored Panicked Spiteful
Clean Envious Immortal Passionate Spontaneous
Clear Embarrassed Impatient Patient Spunky
Combative Erotic Imposed upon Peaceful Stable
Comfortable Euphoric Impressed Perplexed Startled
Compassionate Excited Inadequate Persecuted Stingy
Competent Competitive Exposed Exasperated Infatuated Infuriated Petrified Pity Strange Strong
Complete Exhausted Inspired Playful Stupid
Condemned Exhilarated Insignificant Pleasant Stunned
About The Author
Mark is an independent change management consultant who specialises in change at both the organisational and personal levels. To learn more about Mark and his experience click on any of the links below.
View Mark’s profile as an executive coach with executive coaching 4u
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Post Details
Tags: emotional intelligence, executive development, leadership development
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